


I don't feel like I belong

by CourtNicxVoltronxYJ



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Feels, Depression, Feeling of being alone, Gen, Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Keith (Voltron) feeling lost within himself, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith just needs someone to love him, Sadness, The want and need to be loved, The want to be rescued from himself and his pain, feelings of worthlessness, suicidal keith, the want to feel but not feeling anything in the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 16:31:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13861680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CourtNicxVoltronxYJ/pseuds/CourtNicxVoltronxYJ
Summary: Keith just doesn't feel like he belongs with his family or anywhere for that matter.





	I don't feel like I belong

Keith was so glad to finally have a peaceful home without violence for once. Each one of this family was kind to and that made Keith feel somewhat better, however when a ''family'' gathering happened at his home, he felt so out of place. 

Everyone fell into place with one another, except for him.  
He felt like he was too old, an extra, unwanted or unneeded piece of this new puzzle before him. He had no connection with these people who were friends and family to these people he was living with. Yeah he had met them before and talked to a few but he just could never feel like he belong with them.

So, each time he would sneak away from everyone, but it wasn't like it was a big deal to anyone else really. He was unseen, unnoticed and that just hammered in the feelings that he didn't belong here in deeper.

They all had a certain connection in which he didn't have. Something that made them all happy while he felt sad and unwanted. 

They were all nice to him, but deep within himself he felt like they were just pretending to some point, just being friendly with the extra broken and unneeded piece to their puzzle, which was their life.

He felt like he couldn't speak, couldn't breathe correctly around them. That his whole being was a mistake of someone else's life. The smiles on all of their faces hurt him so badly, he felt like his chest was breaking under their happiness.

Silence was his loudest scream but for some reason they all seemed deaf to it. He wanted to feel like he belonged with them, to feel like he mattered but for some reason he couldn't understand he could never feel that. Having those around him happy and having fun made him feel so much worst, so he would hide away.

He would disappear, a piece of him hoping, praying that someone would come along, wrap him up in their arms and tell him that he mattered but it never happened. If someone did come looking for him, they would grow angry at him for acting this way then proceed to make fun of him before everyone, which only made the hurt that much worst.

He was a mess.  
He was broken deep within and no matter how many times happiness knocked on his door, the emptiness, coldness and nothingness would burst in, shattering all the real smiles he had, forcing him to put on fake ones to please the others, to show them that he was totally fine, good and happy because if they saw and knew the truth then they would really not want him around and then he would truly be alone for real. He would belong nowhere.

That fear ate at his bones, scared him dearly, haunting each an every night and day.

He tried to reach out, to get someone to understand but each time he reached out he just ended up getting hurt even more. So, another piece of his broken puzzle broke and he drew more into himself. He then came to the reasoning that if he mattered to them, even in the slightest bit then they would reach out to him, would check on him, be worried, text him when they haven't heard from him in some time, but that never happened. So, he felt like every time he texted someone or tried to talk and be okay was that he was bothering them, being a stupid, ugly, and unwanted burden that just needed to disappear and go away because no one wanted him. 

And why would they? 

What did he have to offer them? He was a broken heart child who cried out for the love of a father that never came, or the warmth and love of a mother who seemed so distant and caught up in her new life to care about him, to look back and see the sad child that she left behind. His father never cared about him, and now the ache of a mother's love was a stabbing pain deep within his chest.

He had no one because he was no one.

No one wanted to be around someone who felt so much pain and loneliness. No one could or would understand him. 

So knowing that he was nothing, he would look into the mirror and break down because he hated himself so badly! He just wanted to be happy, to be normal like everyone else, but this dark shadow that had encased him so many years ago wouldn't leave him alone. The person he saw in the mirror was ugly, fat, worthless, stupid and better off gone, away from everyone so that he could no longer be a burden to them, no longer be a burden upon their lives.

He knew when they had to do something for him, that they were probably so tired of it, of him. They just wanted him to go, to do this stuff on his own so he wasn't always messing up their plans, their lives, but because of that darkness and all his flaws and weaknesses he just felt paralyzed. He couldn't do the things they wanted...needed him to do and that just made him hate his self so much more. 

He wanted to please them, everyone but he felt like he never could. He wanted to feel important and as if he mattered so he would at times spread himself thin and painfully do things in hopes that they would possibly not see him for the mistake he was but they didn't. They never did and knowing and seeing that only drove him into more pain.

So the happy voices of those who where in his life but weren't made the tears he almost shed each night spill out. His breath and screams were trapped within his throat as he silently begged for someone to see him, to hold him...to love him, but only more darkness fell upon him when none of that came to pass. 

He wanted to reach out but he knew deep down that if he did, he would just be making more mistakes and hurting himself more in the end. So, he remained silent within his pain and life.

He didn't feel like he belong here or there, so in the back of his mind, in the pit of his stomach, in the bottom of his heart he wondered the reason for him to still be alive. Why was he still here if he didn't belong? Maybe he never did in the first place, just a mistake his mother and father made.  
The thoughts haunted him so often that he felt tightly wrapped in them, just waiting and thinking of a time, but he could never pull through with it. He tried, he really did a few times but the last step he could never take because he was even a failure at killing himself.  
Carrying around the knowledge that he had tried to end his life a few times just weighted him down even more because it was a constant reminder that he couldn't do anything because of how worthless he was. Another piece of his puzzle told him that if he did it, actually did it that he would only be hurting those around him even more and that didn't make the slightest sense to him! 

How could he hurt them by leaving their lives? Him just being around, breathing was something terrible to them, a weight and a burden to them, so how would leaving be worst for them? Wouldn't they be happy, relieved that he was finally out of their lives? Wouldn't they breathe and live easier without his presence being there?  
A quite voice would whisper to him that if he did it, they would have to pay to get rid of his body, have to go through his stuff, be labeled forever with the shame of his life forever. They would be seen as those of the kid who killed himself. By him trying to free them and himself, he would only be trapping them in his life, the very life that was suffocating him, so that's why he couldn't really do it, a part of it was the panic attack that always stopped him in his tracks because of that voice, that voice that whispered to him that he would just ruin their lives even more once he was dead. 

All he ever wanted was to please them, make them happy. 

All he ever wanted was to feel welcomed and love but he just couldn't, so he would hide out in his darken room that reflected his mind. He would cry out for the love he could never feel, the warmth of a hug that he had long forgotten how it felt. He would cry out so loudly to himself but silent for the whole world.

 

To him he was absolutely nothing. 

 

And with that idea...that thought and belief in his head, he couldn't and wouldn't ever feel like he belonged.

**Author's Note:**

> I needed a release on how I was feeling at the moment, so I decided to write it down with using my favorite character to represent me. It was write or self harm to be honest, and listening to sad music with a blurry vision full of tears, I in the end placed my pain once again upon Keith and for some kind of reason it helps me.  
> idk


End file.
